When it comes to relationships, most of my life I have shied away from those that were with women. During my early years you would usually find me climbing trees outside or rough-housing with boys in the neighborhood. I never played with dolls and would much rather work outdoors mowing the grass than do housework.
As I matured and eventually had to come to terms with the fact that I was indeed a girl, not much changed. I still found that I surrounded myself with boys and felt intimidated when I was around a group of girls.
I’m really not sure why I chose the path I did growing up or if the path chose me, but either way there were a lot of times I felt like the outsider.
Now that I am older, I find that I envy the women that have true girlfriends. My sister recently moved back home to Texas and she is surrounded by friends she had from high school. I can honestly say if I were to move back home, there would be only one girl I cared a thing about looking up.
Despite my desire to have girlfriends, I still find that I have trouble opening myself up to other women. The times I find myself being given the chance to make a new friend, I see myself once again shying away from the opportunity.
It’s funny, the more I try to figure myself out, the more confused I become about why I am the way I am.
I want to figure out how to change, but the fear of being unaccepted or rejected prevents me from putting myself out there. So instead I find myself staying in the same routine I have my whole life. Keeping myself safe and yet at the same time stripping myself of some wonderful potential friendships.
One of the goals I have for myself in 2012 is to let the amazing people I have all around me in. The only reason I am sharing this with all of you is so that I can be accountable and follow through on my goals.
Are any of you or have any of you ever found yourself doing the same things as me? What have you done to make positive changes in your life?
I don’t have that many friends and the ones I do have are either from college or my current job. High school is not something I want to relive if I can help it. I have a few trusted friends around me and at different places. That’s good enough for me.
I plan to travel more and have fun in 2012. Life’s too short.
Kitty, I think traveling and having fun sounds perfect for the new year. I am with you, I don’t wish to relive high school either. I am just wanting to have a few great friends that I know accept me for exactly who I am. I’m so glad you have found that for yourself. Thanks so much for commenting:)
Yes. I definitely have a hard time opening up and trusting other women. I too would love to have some great gal pals, but I am always so nervous about being judged. Guys really don’t care about the petty stuff. Best of luck!
I am such an introvert but if you were to meet me you would probably never guess that. I had a rough go of it in high school. Small town + bullies + me being overweight = very few friends. As I became an adult I had to learn that not everyone was out to hurt me or reject me. I had to put myself out there and get over my years of abuse. It’s has been hard but now I have many girlfriends. Good luck putting yourself out there. It really is worth it
The phrase that my husband always uses is “Women are b#@%es.” At first I thought he was just being a jerk… but you know, there is total truth to it. Just like Owen’s Mom said, women are always judging you we’re really our own worst enemies in the way that we put each other down. Why can’t we all just get along?
Feel free to move out here anytime, Laurie! I already know that you’re awesome and would love to hang out!
(P.S. Congrats on the WP move and good luck with it!)
I may be older than most of your commenters (above) so far. We gals can be awfully tough on each other, and maybe especially so in the younger years, before say, oh maybe age 50. After that, at least in my experience, we are more likely to start to see friends die (sadly) and so we become more appreciative of the ones who are left! Also around age 50 (give or take 5 years), most of us start the battle with menopause. There is a wild commeraderie (sp?) regarding that which can draw us closer to our girlfriends. What we really need to understand is that we are all in this together (“this” meaning “life”) and we are all just trying to find our way without making fools of ourselves in the process. Most of us do some foolish things but it’s usually not a permanent condition. We need to cut each other a lot of slack and be supportive just as much as possible. We are all battling something.
Barb, It sounds like you are a really smart lady to me. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and comment. I am hoping that you are right and over the next few years I will make my forever friends. Have a great night!